Soleil

Next week, my anime ends with its run, and I don't know what to look forward to after that.

Memories are meant to be remembered, I suppose. But what do you do if those memories entail regrets? What do you if at the end of it all, the temporary happiness, the bliss, the promises just end in a darkened tunnel of your head and all you can do is curse why you have not done otherwise?

I know I should be over this. I'm sure I was over it. How come time comes in to knock at my door and give me back what I've thrown?

My past relationship was, for all it is, wonderful. I would never doubt if even she said it. However wonderment does not seem to guarantee prosperity, only uncertainty. And in that uncertainty I've lost her. And for less than two years that I've forced myself to endure, I've found nothing to fulfill it. Neither was I able to remain true to myself, with the fact that I can probably be the best liar.

I came across a film that suddenly my mind remembered: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I remember how the movie had an impact in making me think about memories, and making decisions on what you keep and what you want to let go. As the film's protagonist showed, it is hard to divide the line and decide if you really do want to forget, or is it just being forced into your being? Should I justify my memories of you as just a yesterday, or should I not I cause it to affect me today?

And as I try deeper to remember the film, suddenly I remember something else. I watched it with you. And I saw how much pain the role must have felt, because I remembered feeling the same way. "Should I let go?"

Less than a month later, we broke up.